a dedication

Today’s blog is a dedication to my late grandmother, Pah.

On 23 April 2010, at 11.23 pm during my leisure walk with Fauzan how I wished that I never answered the call. My mother called to inform me that my grandmother passed away just minutes ago. I was shocked and I couldn’t accept the truth. Over and over again I asked my mother whether or not she said the right name, whether or not she was bullshitting with me.

Never once in my life that I imagine my grandmother would be leaving this early. I always thought that she would be around until one of us remaining cousins gets married and have children. I always thought that she would be around for a long time.
I left campus on Sunday morning with my mother and sister, when we arrived we waste no time and help in every way that we could. Most of us cousins went to the hall where we prayed for my grandmother over and over again.

Me, my sister, my mother and a few more of the female family members was there for every stage of cleansing and getting my grandmother ready before we buried her. It was the hardest thing all of us had to do. Tears were constantly falling down and we all had to force ourselves to man-up.

The hardest part of the day had to be when everyone had to say their last goodbye to Pah. I was one of the first few to say goodbye after that I watched everyone else. I observed everyone and I saw expressions that I never thought I would see from a number of people. I don’t think I will ever forget the expression my father wore and how he said goodbye.

Deep down inside, what I think is inside most of us, is that we were hoping that while we were spending our very last minutes with her... We hoped that she would suddenly open her eyes, wake up and tell us that it was just a joke. She was still with us, that this was just all a bad dream.

I am ending this post with Al-Fatihah.
May you rest in peace Pah.

The best picture that I have of Pah.

Dear Pah,

Even though we never really showed you our loved and are barely around, even though we sometimes ignore you with your constant nags about random things, even though we think that you can be annoying… we would cherish the moments and the memories that we share together.

To us, you are:

A grandmother who loved and is loved,

A grandmother who is always in the pink of health,

And boast about it,

A grandmother who has travelled more than anyone in the family,

And always bring us back presents,

A grandmother who is capable of doing things the moment she made up her mind,

A grandmother who is a part of the Ismail clan and just as mad like all of them,

A grandmother who lived her life to the fullest with no regrets.

A grandmother that will be missed,

And forever be in our hearts.